Friday, 25 July 2014

My Skin Setup is a Mess so Back to the Drawing Board Again

Recently, I decided to buy more skin stuff. This was not a good idea. There is nothing wrong with the skin stuff I bought, although some of it leaves me feeling a little on the sticky side. The problem is I now have too much stuff. I tried to do the whole working wardrobe thing, as per Caroline Hirons' instructions, but I am, I fear, not that type of girl. I like things simple, and this has just overwhelmed me. Granted, I am currently in a state of mind where overwhelmed is my wheelhouse and happens at the drop of a hat, but still.

It's ridiculous really. All I bought was some Bioderma serum (I love that stuff) and moisturiser (I decided to use the rich one instead of the light- I prefer the light), some Body Shop moisturiser, serum and face spray (they were on 3for2), and those Clearasil toner pad things - those make my face feel greasy.

So, in theory, I still have a rather minimal stash. I mean, I literally have now got two of stuff instead of one. It's not such a big deal! So why all the drama in my head that seems to find drama in everything right now?

I think I simply got a bit over excited and tried too much too quickly and didn't get the result I hoped for (Plus it's been so boiling hot and humid; I'm not surprised my face felt yucky).

I still want to get some Pixi Glow Tonic, but that will have to wait. I've been going a bit mental with the shopping and the spending lately and it is not good.

The point is, I'm off the wagon again. Next step is to take a deep breath and just start simple again. Basic routine in the morning; something a bit more nourishing at night. My skin feels a bit worn out, and while it is tempting to throw the stash at it, that will not help. I need to just take it easy and be patient.

I also bought a Sanctuary face mask. I tried it once already. It's not miraculous, but it is nice. So I may do that for a little pick-me-up this weekend.

This taking care of yourself lark is quite hard.


Summer in the City Creator Day

Take two.

The previous post was supposed to be about the Summer in the City Creator Day event.
It turned out not to be.
So I'll try again.

I am going to this event and I am anxious about it.
I am not sure what to expect, but I am also quite excited. I may learn something and possibly get some courage to actually make a video.

I might go out and buy a new dress. Probably not an actual dress. I don't wear dresses. But buying something nice to wear sounds like a good plan.

I saw that someone made business cards to give out. It sounds like an excellent idea.
having said that; this blog is a bit shambley at the moment and needs focus.
I'll give it some thought and run it past Mr C.
It is a nicer way of sharing contact details.

Blah. I think I'll keep it simple and just buy some clothes. Maybe some shoes.

I like this plan. It is a good plan.

I hope to see you there then.
Bye.

I Am Weird. With Tangents

I came across this event this week. I honestly did not know it existed.

Mr C said I should go. Try get out for the house and meet people.  He thinks I've been hiding away from the world. He is probably not wrong.

Sometimes I think I am coping better than I really am. I was looking for a picture to update my facebook page with, because the one I have is ghastly, and I looked at a few blog entries from my pregnancy. I was already showing symptoms at 23 weeks and noone spotted it. It makes me so angry and upset. I can't even look at those posts without getting a lump in my throat.

I keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it now but I still feel the way I feel.

I am very nervous about this Creator Day thing. I can just picture myself cringing in a corner, afraid. I never used to be like this. I was always the brave one, in the thick of it all, introducing myself and putting myself out there. Now, meeting new people gives me heart palpitations.

In my head, I'm already looking for a way out.

Just so you know, every time I start writing in this blog, I have every intention to remain up-beat and cheerful. Really. I do. I just fail.

This isn't getting any better. I am working on the happy thoughts. In the mean time, go home. See you later.
I'll try blog something happy. Did I mention I have an Oak tree in my garden with a pair of scampering squirrels. They were running up and down the tree this morning. I was very cute.

Anyway. Go. Go. I'll see you later.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Easing Back into this Blog Thingy

It has been a very long time since I've blogged. The last few months have been very sad and very hard.

I basically withdrew from the world because it was simply to painful to bare.

Slowly, but surely, I have found my way back, and while it is not easy to be cheerful and perky, I will try not to be morose and self-pitying.

If you are new to this blog (Welcome!), you ma not know that recently, I suffered the most devastating loss a human being can go through.

My newborn baby daughter, Angelica, the treasure of my life, passed away the day after she was born. An otherwise healthy baby, she developed a rare condition called fetal hydrops. Along with that, I developed polyhydraminos (too much amniotic fluid in the uterus - can cause early labour). This condition went undiagnosed by Croydon University Hospital, my GP and local midwives. It was only when I went into early labour (29 weeks 5 days) that the midwife at St George's hospital took one look at me and told me that I had it.

No one knows why Angelica got sick - all tests done have come back negative.

We waited a long time for her and she was a VERY wanted baby. We miss her desperately - every single day. My heart is, and will remain broken. I have started to heal but the cracks will always be there.

People tell me that no matter what happens, I am a mom, but it isn't the same when you don't have a baby to hold.

I know that my little heaven baby would not want me to be sad forever; she would want me to keep living and find some happiness and peace. So that is what I am striving to do.

In the last couple of weeks I have really tried to get hold of things and find a kind of life routine. Routine has never been my strong suite but it's good for you, apparently, so I'm giving it a go.

I have been doing house work (not religiously enough, but it gets done), gardening and have taken to doing sit-ups daily on an ab-roller thingy I bought ages ago from Lidls (I don't do many but that isn't the point).

I have also started to get back into my skincare routine. It feels really good to do it. I think I've become even more keen on doing it now because it's so relaxing.

I am also about to take a very brave step - I am going to get my hair done tomorrow. If I remember, I will take before and after shots.

I may also pick up some skincare goodies while I'm out.

If my hair turns out really well, I may even do a haul video! Won't that be fun (read terrifying)

Let's not get ahead of ourselves though - we'll see how we go.

That's it for now.